Oh, I'm sorry. Did I hurt your feelings?
BONer jokes aside, I've got just enough time tonight to completely screw up my running attempt at learning how to put together a Top 25 for this week. Click ahead, I promise there are no more bad jokes.
The Inaugural Horn Brain Poll of Unlimited Vagary and Speculation
| Rank | Horn Brain's Picks | Why I Hope Not to be Ridiculed |
|
1 |
USC |
Oh God, I've got West Coast Bias-itis. |
| 2 | Florida |
Started slower, but beat Hawaii just as bad as Georgia last year. |
| 3 | Oklahoma |
Can't beat a 1-AA team and get into my INCG (Imaginary). |
| 4 | LSU | They'll go back down, just wait. |
| 5 | Georgia | Quit getting hurt! |
| 6 | Texas |
Showed that some offseason questions could be answered with a "YES!" |
| 7 | Ohio State | If Wells is ok, you'll go back up. |
| 8 | Missouri |
Mizzou fans wish they had our old defense. |
| 9 | Auburn |
Solid, like your ranking. |
| 10 | West Virginia |
Too much of Pat White's arm, not enough defense. |
| 11 | Alabama | Most impressive win thus far. |
| 12 | Wisconsin | Please lose to Fresno. Please. |
| 13 | Fresno State |
Beating Rutgers means more than it has in the past. |
| 14 | Brigham Young |
Imagine if you let them have a cup of coffee... |
| 15 | South Florida | Grothe's still all you've got. |
| 16 | Kansas |
We know nutzink. Have some schnitzel. |
| 17 | Utah |
I'm basing this on Michigan's defense supposedly being ok. |
| 18 | Oklahoma State |
Why , despite being a man and all that, does Mike Gundy look like a 6th grader? |
| 19 | Wake Forest | Ok, I'll bite. Whatcha got? |
| 20 | Texas Tech | Ar Defens isu nstopabil! |
| 21 | Penn State | Well... That was different. |
| 22 | Oregon |
You can't get your QB killed against Nobody State. |
| 23 | Illinois |
If Juice can throw like that, losing Mendenhall won't seem so bad. |
| 24 | UCLA |
Style points, but I'm having a hard time overlooking the hippy with the headset. |
| 25 | East Carolina |
This one's for giving Beamer the Beam. |
This week's lesson:
Don't expect coaches to change, unless they're Mack Brown (thank God). The media and I bought into the talent advantage that Clemson and Pitt were supposed to have, forgetting something that I regularly gripe about when discussing the Longhorns: All the talent in the world does you no good if you don't teach them how to play the game of football. When your only touchdown comes from your best player on a kickoff return, you know that you've been outcoached. When you get beaten by Bowling Green, well, you send your agent a flower basket for not letting you sign that contract without the guaranteed cash clause. At this point, we're still too early in the season for this poll to mean a thing, which as BZ pointed out, is a threat to the Constitution and the Independence of our sovereign Right to Declaration of Emancipation.
Whatever. It's not like I'm dropping bombs on your battleships, people. I'm just trying to bias your thinking with a narrative that's easier to write about than what's actually going on. It's not like anyone ever got hurt by that.
As always, if you convince me to move someone around, I'll do it.
0 recs | 16 comments
Eh??
Under Oklahoma:
WTF is INCG? “Intentionally Noxious Compressed Gas”?
Dammit, man! WE NEED ANSWERS! NOT MORE QUESTIONS!! ;)
OFF TOPIC: Oh man…I gotta share this one: I was looking for a “WTF” image, and this one came up. I…I just don’t even know how marketing works at Breyers.
Bombilla - September 3, 2008
Well...
NCG is National Championship Game, and I told you I is Imaginary. Come on Bombi, maybe if you spent a few more seconds thinking and few less seconds searching for “Lickable pre-teens” in Google image search, you’d have gotten that one on your own.
Horn Brain - September 3, 2008
Ahhh...
Gotcha. Sorry, I wrote that question before I finished my first cup o’ joe.
Yeah, can you image the ad campaign for Creamy Creations? Whew!
Bombilla - September 3, 2008
that ad is pretty shocking, at least they weren’t “peach sensation” creamsicles
longhornglory - September 3, 2008
Probably the most disturbing ad ever. nt
Meekrob - September 3, 2008
it's a fake
Photoshop, people. It’s not a real advertisement.
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/weblog/comments/4129/
cheevyjames - September 3, 2008
HA!
Awesome! I never heard of that site. I’m actually very relieved that it’s a fake!!
Bombilla - September 3, 2008
world still spinning on its axis. Also on the sexually suggestive front, this one seems to have riled up a lot of people around USC a bit.
longhornglory - September 3, 2008
ONCE AGAIN!
HEY everyone its been awhile since I have been on here a long while. Love the new look. Now down to business. I am in North Carolina and am Dieing to see the renovated DKR filled with fans 98,000 + is fricking SWEEEEET! Any one got pictures?
TEXAS ORANGE ITS IN THE BLOOD!
ousuxHOOKEM - September 3, 2008
Yeah, the “I” is for imaginary, and the “M” in “MNC” apparently means “mythical national championship.” Neither the “I” nor the “M” is really all that necessary or even astutely applied in either case.
burntorangehorn - September 3, 2008
you
rank Texas ahead of Mizzou? That’s homerific.
Jon Johnston - September 3, 2008
Missouri
Hey, corn blight… Until Missouri beats us they’ll always be the underdog. Sound familiar?
HA!! Actually, I’m really looking forward to seeing how y’all do with Bo this season! Go Big Red!!
Bombilla - September 3, 2008
You
Rank Mizzou above Texas after Mizzou let’s Juice F-in By God Williams throw for 450? Where did you rank Tech? Probably top 15?
Horn Brain - September 3, 2008
ousuxHOOKEM
I know what ur going thru. I’m in North Carolina too and I HATE ABC Regional coverage because instead of watching Texas-OU, I’m watching a crappy Maryland-Virginia game. At least I just found out how to watch whole games on TexasSportsTV. Where u at in NC?
DONSLIQ - September 3, 2008
DONDLIQ
i’m in Fayetteville/Fort Bragg. I woud up listening to the game on the net because crappy ESPN Game Plan doesn’t show hardly any UT games.
ousuxHOOKEM - September 3, 2008
The Big 12 needs to follow the Big 10 and have their own network
DONSLIQ - September 3, 2008
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