(ESPN Hype for the latest "greatest player or team" ever) squared x (Formidable but not sexy Longhorns Team) squared = (Bevo Smack Down) squared
(Example)
Overheard during last night’s telecast of the Texas/ASU game from Omaha:
Orel Hershiser: "Of course he’s got a great arm Buttermaker, he’s the best athlete in all of college baseball...but you don’t understand, that’s Mike Leake."
Sean McDonough: "Talk about a loan shark, I borrowed a nickel from him last week and he said if I didn’t give him a dime by Friday, he’d break my arm."
Erin Andrews: "Es un bandido"
Multiplied by...
Orel Hershiser: "Oh no, Texas is down 6-0 to ASU."
Sean McDonough: "Yeah, that’s like 22-0 in Mike Leake dog years."
Erin Andrews: "I’m going to go talk to Augie Burrito."
Equals...
Augie Garrido: "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?"
Chance Ruffin: "Forget it, he’s rolling."
Augie Garrido: "Hell no, it wasn’t over and when the going gets tough...the tough go out and put 6 on the board against Mike Leake, the greatest thing since the invention of the automatic tampon remover."
Erin Andrews: "Es un Garrido."
Longhorns 10
Sun Devils 6
Enjoy your Texas-sized shite burger, ESPN. If you'd also like the Baked Ass-laska, please start hyping Tebow now so Colt and the Longhorns will have it ready for you by the Rose Bowl.
Sincerely,
Burnt Orange Nation
PS. Cameron Rupp...um...we love you...sorry, panic...we mean, welcome to the Chance Wheeless Mutual of Omaha Appreciation Club.
3 recs | 49 comments
U R THE MAN
This made me laugh out loud and I just emailed to my office Horn haters!!!
Ron
crphorn - June 17, 2009
Too Late
Have you not watched ESPN in the last three years? Or not noticed that his screaming mug starts off every episode of College Football Live during the ESPNHD thing? If they haven’t truly been hyping him yet, I’d love to see what it looks like when they do.
Year2 - June 17, 2009
I'll save you the suspense
Expect a Lee Corso Bris on gameday.
learned hand - June 17, 2009
did you know that Tebow circumsised 72 Filipino babies while at the same time converting convicts to Christianity and holding a drug intervention for Percy Harvin?
acho81 - June 17, 2009
The Geothermal Event That Is Tebow
Was prophesized by the Mayans, long before foolish ESPN appeared on the scene
Tackchevy - June 17, 2009
Yes
ESPN really jumped on Leake, it was too much when they said down 3 to Leake is like down 12 to another team..I was like gimme a break hes good but hes giving up hits left and right
owenh - June 17, 2009
someone please deliver!
anyone Tivo the game and can bring BON the shot of Leake in the duggot with the complete shock on his face that he just got blasted for 6 runs?
karmaHorns - June 17, 2009
Don't forget to get Erin Andrews too
1) Because she’s hot
2) She really did call our coach, Augie Burrito
I sh*t you not…it was around 7th inning…my wife and I replayed it like 50 times.
54b - June 17, 2009
They have a photo gallery from last nights game on texassports.com
but I cannot access it
future_longhorn_dad - June 17, 2009
or maybe that was the USM game
future_longhorn_dad - June 17, 2009
Hot?
For a sportscaster, maybe.
Caradoc - June 17, 2009
you dont think Erin Andrews is hot
by most hot people standards?
Frazier90 - June 17, 2009
OK
She’s hot by the hottest-girl-in-the-office standard and one of the hottest of the sportsbabes. (I’d go more for Leeann Tweeden, myself.) But I think she is benefiting from a testosterone-rich environment with limited competition. Go to any ‘bikini’ website and you’ll see lots of hotter babes.
Caradoc - June 18, 2009
That's because they are in bikinis
run Bevo run - June 18, 2009
True. Erin Andrews would definitely draw my attention very quickly if she were in a bikini or, preferably, not in a bikini.
And most of those chicks on the “bikini” websites lack any talent but looking good in bikinis, and also are usually airbrushed to hell. EA isn’t super-talented, but at least she can read her queue cards, and I’ll bet she’d be in good shape if she were airbrushed in a bikini shoot.
burntorangehorn - June 18, 2009
I'm glad we solved that.
What’s next on the agenda?
run Bevo run - June 18, 2009
The google-hunt for Erin Andrews bikini photos, and subsequent posting of same. The following agenda item is critical comparison and contrast of EA photos to standard “bikini website” photos.
burntorangehorn - June 18, 2009
Such search executions are not possible from current location, damn work overlords, but will begin ASAP.
run Bevo run - June 18, 2009
Just tell your IT people where your priorities are at this moment. They’ll understand. Threaten to tear up their Dilbert calendars if they don’t acquiesce.
burntorangehorn - June 18, 2009
Unfortunately
In my office, IT is the cousin in the Addams family. For my company IT is in New York, constantly monitored by watchgroups (literally) of the SEC ergo there’s not much f-ing around with them.
run Bevo run - June 18, 2009
Heh, my “company” probably wouldn’t like it either, although I will say that I probably push the envelope a little more than I should, considering they literally do more monitoring of communications/network activity than anyone else in the world. But those bastards can kiss my ass; I’m at home with the wife and new baby this week. Bikini-pic hunt it is.
burntorangehorn - June 18, 2009
what is also with the
signs “we’ll mess with texas” can we get a sign that says " good you F*cked with the Wrong Bull "
karmaHorns - June 17, 2009
You mess with the horns, you get the bull
acho81 - June 17, 2009
I guess the really didnt know who they were messing with
future_longhorn_dad - June 17, 2009
Nefarious
Perhaps they are planning to dump trash along our highways.
Caradoc - June 17, 2009
Here
Leake’s finest hour
bfaut86 - June 17, 2009
Whoops
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4I6iUE5cyM&feature=channel
bfaut86 - June 17, 2009
pure genius
great work as always
longhornSTL - June 17, 2009
I never thought that Blutos speech would make for such a good rally
What the f*** happened to the Longhorns I used to know? Where’s the spirit? Where’s the guts, huh? This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you’re gonna let it be the worst. “Ooh, we’re afraid to go with you Augie, we might lose.” Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I’m not gonna take this. Leake, he’s a dead man! Patrick , dead! Hershiser…
future_longhorn_dad - June 17, 2009
fantastic
jacobb23 - June 17, 2009
This would be perfect EXCEPT
it wasn’t Mike Patrick last night, it was Sean McDonough.
amorphous - June 17, 2009
Are you sure they're not the same person?
They both have stereotypical Irish names (possibly made up) and you never see them in the same place at the same time?
billb - June 17, 2009
Corrected, thank you. nt
54b - June 17, 2009
Whoever he was
sounded like he was a hiccup away from losing his voice. Surely ESPN could of made a call to the bullpen.
run Bevo run - June 17, 2009
they did
I assume thats why Steve Phillips was in the booth. Cus he’s a bag of hot air. Theres not a bigger blowhard on ESPNs baseball coverage.
6th street - June 17, 2009
Steve & Orel is there for colorcommentary, other throaty douche is play by play
run Bevo run - June 17, 2009
Coffee Klatch
Those guys were so busy impressing themselves and each other with all their blabber about prospects this and draft picks that and who’s gonna get the big bucks that they forgot that there was actually a game going on. It sounded like MLB Draft Breakdown 2009 rather than a real live game. Barf. I was hoping to find it on radio and mute the TV but it never found a broadcast. I would have loved to hear a real Horn Homer broadcasting instead of those preeners.
It was like the old SNL skit. I’ll give you a topic, MLB Draft, now talk amongst yourselves. “Oh that Leake, he’s like butta.”
Margaritaking - June 17, 2009
He said he had allergies!
ALLERGIES! Have you no heart, sir!?
amorphous - June 17, 2009
Benadryl
Is a hell of a drug.
run Bevo run - June 17, 2009
McDonough
Actually Sean has been very supportive of Texas down through the years. He talked about UT national championships and our great facilities last night. The last name is real. He is good Irish kid from Boston and Syracuse. His dad was the late Will McDonough who wrote sports for the Boston Globe for years. His Dad is best known by us old timer Orangebloods by his fist fight with Raymond Clayborn when RayClay was with the Patriots. If you don’t know who Clayborn is then you need to do a little Longhorn research.
b&g80 - June 17, 2009
Oral
has gotten on my nerves (name misspelled for effect) with his banalities. I don’t get bothered too much by announcers any more. Ray Wylie Hubbard has a song that epitomizes my view & dare say most of us here: “Screw You, We’re From Texas”
HalfmileHorn - June 17, 2009
Orel
before the game referred to Chance Ruffin as one of the best left-handed pitchers in the nation. If this is true, I urge Chance Ruffin to begin pitching with said left hand.
amorphous - June 17, 2009
lol
his name’s oral
acho81 - June 17, 2009
Gave up on television broadcast
during the first game of the CWS in Omaha. The two windbags that ESPN found on the unemployment line (Will Work For Telling Stories About My Kid With the Rag Arm sign) could not be bothered to actually call the game.
Instead, I muted the broadcast and streamed the audio from Texas Sports. Those two were such a drastic improvement.
Fox Sports calling college football > ESPN calling college baseball.
milevin - June 17, 2009
yes, followed by
Fox Sports calling CF > ESPN calling college baseball > TBS calling CF
BigTexBD - June 17, 2009
I miss Harold Reynolds
Thought he was the best CWS announcer.
Caradoc - June 17, 2009
All I know is
that if Oral mentions Alex Box stadium and it’s 9600 seating capacity one more time during an LSU game, that blur on the screen you will see will be Chuck Norris giving him a round house kick to the face. I have Chuck on stand by. I do not know why Oral is even talking about baseball prospects when he could not even make it as a pitching coach for the Rangers. He sucks and I would like to put him in the “ring of death” with Kirk Herbstreitt. I hope they will kill each other.
HornsRiverine - June 17, 2009
I loved Orel when he was a youngster with the Dodgers. I think one of my firmest baseball memories was when the Dodgers and A’s were facing off in the World Series. Orel pitched like a madman, and an injured Kirk Gibson hit that The Natural-esque home run off Dennis Eckersley.
Man, what a series.
burntorangehorn - June 17, 2009
telling ESPN what you think
If anyone’s interested, you can register a complaint about the horrible commentators here.
Bevo Beat’s John Bridges also was not happy with the ESPN broadcast.
TexasTexasYeehaw - June 17, 2009
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